I wanna hold your hand!

role reversal is a blessing and a bitch..
I get to hold my dad’s hand every day as I ease him through the day…
I remember the safety I felt as he held my hand growing up…
he held my hand my first day of school, he held my hand when I fell off my bike the first time…
he held my hand as we talked about life…
he held my hand when I found out I had cancer…..and when I kicked cancer…
dad’s hands told me it was o.k. To fly when I was scared….
I simply knew and know it will be o.k. When I hold his hand…
I am grateful I can hold his hand as he now needs my safety, however, how lucky am I to be able to hold dad’s hands for 97 years..
dad, thank you for your safety and love
I’m scared but it will be o.k.

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DD or Starbuck’s

time for a break…
not going to happen…
sweetmelissa is going to visit…
here today, gone tomorrow…
no one really cares….
waiting for the winter air to rush on in….
hope the cold air will erase the past…
too many dreams of yesterday
want my dreams of tomorrow to come back…
I’m alone
Mia and Joe keep me company in the morning….
their talk is the sanity of my day
I hope those around me will soon take a step in the right direction
love those who gave them life..
question of the day…dd or Starbuck’s?

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Friday and Faith

I have my faith today…Friday is around the corner and that means football, fun and freedom…
I don’t have to think, worry or excersize….I feel the need to take the weekend off from life….
my faith is giving me the strength to help, support and pray not to be weak….
I love my parents and love I can support them, the reality of caregiving just scares me….
it would be fun to get lost for a day…be pretty for a day….pretend for a day….I’ll do it Sunday during The Giants game….let’s hope….

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Pain

the pain in my life now is eased by Bruce…
his best birthday present is the gift of freedom..
it will get better…..
not easy dealing with depression as I caregive….
I’m alone, however, music makes it better…..
everyone tells me it will get better….it doesn’t….
it would be fun to trade places with Derek Jeter for a day…
wonder if it would be easier..

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One Lucky Girl

The NY Giants won….
Straight hair is around the corner….
I still can smile….
My sibling is a candidate for coward of the month…..
He continues to emotionally and financially abuse my parents…
I won’t give in….I’ll fight for them….
Let’s see how productive the Department on Aging is in NY…
We won’t be the victims….we will fight for all the folks have given us…
I can’t pay them back enough for seeing me through cancer 14 years ago….
Dad makes me smile, mom makes me laugh, and I’m just one lucky girl…

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Saturday

I’m not alone….just feel alone…
loneliness is not my best friend…
I’m disappointed in those around me, however, will be able to live with myself…
getting old isn’t pretty but it could be easier….
I’m grateful dad is 97 …I just hope he knows he is not alone…
friends drop by the side as I continue on this journey…
I understand as life has to go on…..
when I want to cry I can write…..
when I need to laugh there is Bruce…
it is beautiful outside…..I love the fall….I can breathe…

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As Roger Goodell Breaks Silence on Domestic Abuse, Another NFL Sponsor Speaks Out

Originally posted on CBS DC:

NEW YORK — Procter & Gamble is canceling an on-field breast cancer awareness promotion it had been planning with the National Football League, the latest sponsor to respond to the NFL’s growing problems.

The consumer products maker is the latest major sponsor, following PepsiCo and Anheuser-Busch, to show concern over the NFL’s handling of domestic abuse allegations against several players. The move came as NFL commissioner Roger Goodell held a press conference to say that the NFL needs to change its policies and will implement new personal conduct policies sometime before the Super Bowl early next year.

“I made a mistake. I’m not satisfied by the process that we went through. I’m not satisfied with the conclusions,” he said during the conference.

Women make up 35 percent of the average audience of 17.4 million during a regular season NFL game, and the NFL has made it a point to reach…

View original 464 more words

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Ariana Grande and Pain?

I’m sitting in my favorite coffee pub pondering my goals for the day….
I try and have one goal and if I achieve ….I’m happy….
The sun is shining…..my hair is straight…..I’m feeling sorta skinny….I have no bills today and, yet, there is a sense of foreboding…
I’m going to try and walk in an effort to ease the foreboding ….I’ll listen to Bruce…
Yesterday I was going to rant as I found out my sibling wasn’t going to assist in the caregiving process…..I’m in disbelief as my family was always there for
Him…
Ranting won’t do me any good……thinking only brings out the pain….
I’m not getting any younger…I want to laugh, breathe in the fresh air and thank god for every hour he gives me..
O.k…I will rant about Ariana Grande and the trivial news of the day…..people are really paying attention?!

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Caregiver’s Reality

as a caregiver I know no boundaries
everything is new….
my past is my present and I always prepare for the unknown….that is somewhat my own oxymoron …
I wait for help that doesn’t come and search for Apple Apps that will help me with my new routine of daily meditation…
I laugh at the unexpected and hope the unexpected makes me laugh…
I don’t watch the news or read newspapers any more….reality makes me sad….
if I had only known back then this was coming I would have made a few different choices….win the lottery, move to Hawaii….encourage my parents to have more kids…become a blonde
if only…
but then I always have Bruce….

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My dad…the glider pilot

Dad was a glider pilot…..I know so little…..
He talks about his family and his future …he is 97….
The men of history are made of heart and stone…..
Their courage were guts and their lives were an adventure…
Dad was a movie star in the world of glider pilot life…
Handsome…did the job and got the girls….
Once life went on he was our family man and stories were so few and far between
He looked forward…not to the past……
My anxiety is not living up to his strength….I hope I can….

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